Many a child has heard a parent say something akin to, “Watch your tone of voice when you are talking to me!” It is the kind of thing a parent says when a child is disrespectful or sarcastic or flippant. The child’s parent may take as much issue with how the kid said what they said as they do with what was actually said.
Of course, sometimes disrespect, sarcasm, and flippancy make their way into conversations between two or more adults. Whatever the situation—a dispute at work, an argument at home, a frustrating encounter out in the world—a saucy or aggressive tone of voice can make things worse rather better.
There is one other person with whom you should watch your tone of voice—especially if you are a person in recovery from a substance used disorder. And that person is you.
The Importance of Being Kind to Yourself
Sometimes in cartoons or in the movies, you’ll see a character with a little devil on one shoulder giving the person bad advice and a little angel on the other shoulder offering more positive suggestions. When it comes to self-talk and self-kindness, it can be helpful to think of the devil as your inner critic (always reminding you of mistakes and suggesting that you just aren’t good enough) and your inner cheerleader (always encouraging you to learn and to grow and to try again when things go wrong).
The Inner Critic
Far too many of us let our inner critic’s voice dominate the ongoing monologue in our head. The critic is not pleased with anything we have ever done, anything we are doing right now, or even anything we might possibly do in the future. In fact, the inner critic can often take a good memory and find the one moment that wasn’t perfect and get us to obsess over that rather than recalling all the positive things related to the memory. It can also pooh-pooh our hopes and goals, assuring us that nothing is ever going to go right. And like a petulant teenager or that bully at work, the inner critic does not point things out gently. Rather, they roll their eyes and deliver their judgements with as much snark as possible.
It is easy to see how this ongoing onslaught of negative feedback you might be listening to in your head can undermine your mental health and your sobriety. Fortunately, you can choose to turn down the volume of the inner critic in favor of another voice.
The Inner Cheerleader
Your inner cheerleader believes in you and is hopeful about your future. Your inner cheerleader is proud that you have reclaimed your sobriety and is convinced you can maintain it over time—and will still be convinced that you can even if you experience a relapse and need to return to treatment. And your inner cheerleader believes you can accomplish your goals.
Sounds nice, doesn’t it? So how can you turn up the volume of your inner cheerleader?
One way to make sure you are hearing a supportive voice in your head is to use affirmations. Affirmations are statements that you can say to yourself to help set your attitude and remind yourself that, even in the face of difficulties, you can pursue and achieve your goals. Affirmations can help you remember to be kind, to be grateful, and to be brave.
Now, in the same way that some cheers you hear at sporting events are a little hokey, when you first start employing affirmations in your life, you may feel a little uncomfortable or a little goofy. But as you get into the habit and the spirit of the practice, you will likely find that your affirmations really do support your mental health and your sobriety.
To read more about your inner cheerleader—and to see some examples of affirmations—check out this previous blog entry.
An Added Bonus: Showing Yourself Kindness Helps You Be More Kind
As you learn to be less hard on yourself, you may find that you are less hard on other people, too. Changing the way you talk to yourself can lead you to be more thoughtful, kind, and forgiving in conversations and disputes with others. And that is a wonderful thing for everyone—and for your ongoing efforts to maintain your sobriety.
Need Help Addressing a Substance Use Disorder? Let’s Talk.
Located near Wichita, Kansas, Bel Aire Recovery Center helps individuals struggling with substance use disorders and co-occurring mental health disorders via inpatient and outpatient programs. The goal of each of Bel Aire’s programs is the same: to help you get sober and stay sober.
Our staff is dedicated to providing personalized, effective treatment grounded in evidence, experience, expertise, and empathy—which means you will receive exceptional care delivered with kindness and respect. Getting sober is a truly transformative experience, and Bel Aire Recovery Center can help you reclaim your sobriety and your life.
