Some people love a juicy story. They love hearing them, retelling them, and exchanging them with others who might have related (or even unrelated) stories to share. Often, these stories are built around sketchy facts, eager assumptions, a dose of judgment, and imaginative speculation. In other words, these juicy stories are not always true.
Even when they are true, the stories that get passed back and forth among those who love to “spill the tea” or share the “hot gossip” are frequently unkind and unhelpful. Gossiping can seem fun because it feels a little naughty without feeling overly consequential.
But the fact is that gossip can, in fact, have serious consequences—for both the gossiper and the person being gossiped about. That is absolutely true when it comes to gossip about a person in recovery from a substance use disorder. Gossip can lead to feelings of shame, which in turn can lead to relapse.
So, our first piece of advice here is that you should be steadfast in your refusal to gossip about people you know who are in recovery. And if you yourself are in recovery from a substance use disorder, it can be important to protect yourself from becoming the subject of gossip.
Fortunately, we have some suggestions that can help you limit the opportunities for others to spread stories about you.
A Lesson from ‘Anonymous’ Recovery Programs
Because Alcoholics Anonymous has become such a part of pop culture, most of us have a sense of how a meeting might go. Take, for example, the moment when a person introduces themselves to the group: “Hi. My name is Joan, and I’m an alcoholic.”
That first-name-only approach is central to the “anonymous” part of Alcoholics Anonymous and other similar programs. It is a great reminder that your experiences with a substance use disorder, treatment, and recovery are personal and private. Everyone at these sorts of meetings understands that the things shared in the room are not meant to be shared outside of it.
Of course, in your day-to-day life, lots of people are going to know your first and last names. Still, the nod toward anonymity at recovery meetings is a good reminder that your experiences with a substance use disorder, treatment, and recovery are entirely your business. That means you can choose with whom to share—and with whom not to share—your story and in what level of detail.
You are not obligated to talk about these personal matters with each and every person who might express some curiosity about them. You are entitled to maintain your privacy.
Have Some Stock Answers at the Ready
Even if you have decided that you are not going to share information about your recovery experiences with everyone who asks, people are still going to do the asking. To deflect the inquiry, it can be helpful to have a stock answer—that is a sentence or two that you can remember and repeat in these situations—ready to go.
It might be useful for that answer to start with a note of thanks so that the person you are talking with is less likely to be offended by your refusal to share details. Here is an example:
Thank you so much for thinking about me. To be honest, I don’t discuss these sorts of things. Thank you for respecting my privacy.
Now, it is still possible that the person who asked you the question will take offense to this tactic. But that is their issue, not yours.
Delivering your stock answer may feel awkward or rude at first. But as you stick with it, you may find that the message gets around that you are not open to talking about your experiences with drugs or alcohol or about your treatment and recovery. That may mean you get asked less often as time goes on.
Keep a Lid on Any Gossiping You Are Tempted to Do
Steering conversations away from gossip—about yourself, about your friends, and about people in general—is a great way to make it less likely that you will be a victim of the rumor mill. Sometimes it can seem like gossip of one sort or another makes up the entirety of our conversations, but it does not have to be that way. If you avoid participating in the gossip cycle, you can help limit the reach of rumors and speculation that can be harmful to others.
A Fact, Not a Rumor: We Can Help
Located near Wichita, Kansas, Bel Aire Recovery Center provides individualized treatment for substance use disorders and co-occurring mental health disorders. Our evidence-based practices can help you get free from drugs or alcohol so that you can build a firm foundation for a lasting recovery. Medically supervised detoxification, a rehabilitation program that includes therapy and skills building, and a commitment to a continuum of care are hallmarks of our work. You can count on our expertise, experience, and empathy to see you through the challenges of treatment and beyond. When you are ready to make a change, we are ready to help you reclaim your life.
